TNHL Newsletter Volume 555 Issue 666
Hey guys, I figure this season wouldn't be a TNHL season without at least one geniune TNHL newsletter,
so here's your fuckin fix for the week:
Cocks are stiff competition; not flaccid
The Garson Gamecocks are the obvious contenders for team of the season, with a solid offensive line complimented
by a solid defensive line. The Cocks have a perfect record this season, but other teams seem to be responding to their gameplay,
as the Cocks barely edged out the Shithawks last thursday. Fuck the Cocks' Short interview, I dont feel like interviewing
their 'cocky' Asses.
S-Bombs a dud in overtime vs Shock; Sideshow Bob involved?
The chemmy S-Bombs may be the best looking team in the league (as voted by
fans through internet web poll...maybe cause all the bitches that voted got filled full of S-bomb D's), but that didn't help
them last week in their demoralizing loss to the Shock. The Boogeyman was kind enough to be interviewed this week, and when
he was asked how his team could improve to be a manly cup contender, he replied, " I think overall
we've played a good style game all year. We play a tight system defensively, J.P. "The Janitor" Butler has done his job cleaning
up the crease and Radey and Belland have taken up the offense. I think we just have to bear down and learn to close out games.
We need to be better in the third period on a consistent basis, and plus we need to get rid of Hamel". When asked about
how he feels about his role on the team, the Boogeyman replied, " I knew coming in this year I would be
taking on a different role coming out of the crease, but I've enjoyed. I don't mind bringing a physical presence to the team
and trying to spark as moments of complacency. I also enjoy punching Scoop in the face. It's kinda like an orgasm for
my hand....without the mess". Rumour is that next victim on the Boogeyman's list is none other than.... Ryan
"The Sandy Vagina" Prieur.
Shithawks flying high; Sally still a contender for Daigle award, or is he?
The Shithawks are a team to be reckoned with, and GM Darren "Sally" Edward is one of the main
reasons for this. Last year he was, pretty much, the 'dud' of the year...but this year he is certain that the team he is working
with now is a serious cup contender. "The Shithawks are cup contenders, we had some low points to this
season, low as can be....and can be really fuckin low...but we've been able to bounce back with some huge games and come away
with wins in some or just lose by a few goals, but to keep it close, and that spells a contender. Plus we're the ones that
keep the hairs on the back of the Cocks' neck fuckin sharp!....are we done here? Cause I gotta shit....pretty good too".
Shock snag first win in OT vs Sbombs; Fans are..............well...........shocked.
The Skead Shock finally won their first game of the season in O.T. just when they were thought
to be at the low point of their season. GM Jarrod Crawford was ready and eager to trade anyone in the franchise to show that
he was serious about this team. This decision sparked the team to perform at their potential and came out on top, for once
in the season. Hopefully this will be a sign of things to come. "Our hockey club has always been the underdog
for as long as the Shock has existed, and that's the way it will always be. I'm also glad I've survived a tussle with the
Boogeyman (although it's not our last), and by doing that, I've become a more physical player. Getting hit or even given a
little push sparks me to set up plays and score goals....and it also makes me want to hit other players, of course. Being
able to hit is a good asset to my game, as we play the Cocks next, who are ironically pussies in every aspect in the game
of hockey, and I'm going to make them realize that they are exactly that. Pussies."
- Brent Garbutt, 1 Year contract
- From Waivers, D Craig Jacobs, 1 Year contract
- From Waivers, F Giuseppe Politi, 1 year contract
- From Waivers, D Axel, 1 Year Contract
- To Wahnipitae Weasels,(AHL) D Eryk Waszczylo
- To Wahnipitae Weasels (AHL), G Johnny Royer
Tony's too lazy to respond to the questionnaire, and I don't blame him. Here's the rest of the
Q1: What's it like being on a team that dosent lose games?
A: Well, it's definately a different feeling; playing
on a team that struggled most of last season was extremely frustrating at times. Playing for a losing team last year has helped
me to not take this years success for granted. This year I've had the luxury of playing for an Original four franchise with
a long-standing history of success. The winning mentality is drilled into your head (literally, it's quite painful) right
from the first day of training camp.
Q2: Are all of your team's players garbage, and do you feel
like your the only one keeping them together?
A: I think you've hit the nail on the head with that one. I think it's obvious that
I'm the glue holding this team together; without my acrobats in net, this team would be sinkning, and fast. Take last game
for example: I can think of at almost 10 occasions where a player on the opposing team attempted a shot on goal that had to
be saved. So to answer your question, yes, I am holding the team together.
Q1: As for being the top drafted goaltender, are you satisfied with your team?
A: I'm not totally satisfied with my team this year to be honest. We've made a couple
of sloppy defensive plays and the offense isn't as potent as it could be. Other than that, everyone is working hard night
in, night out so that gives us a chance to compete constantly. We have a couple game to work out the kinks before the playoffs,
so im not worried.
Q2: What's it like to face your former team, who is now in last
place in the league?
A: Having played against the Shock twice already (and sweeping the season series) , sure
it was a little emotional. We had a tight group last year, we're still friends, but it's hard to see them struggle this season
and to help contribute to their dismal record. I wish them the best of luck in the playoffs, because they're going to need
Q: What's it like changing from a starting forward, into a starting goalie?
A: I got a small taste of being a keeper last year, so I was semi-comfortable. However,
I feel that I can do more for the team keeping the ball out of the net, then I would have done offensively.
Q: Are The S-Bombs the most handsome team in the league?
A: Well, you can't argue with fact, or the amount of SLUTS we FUCK after every game
so...yeah we are!!!