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Hopefully This Year Adam Can Work On Keeping His Newsletters Up To Date Since He Is No Longer The President He Is Now A GM!
 
only time will tell....
 
 
 
 
 
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FINALLY!!!...TNHL is proud to report that this week we have a weekly segment hosted by Wash...

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TNHLPA PREZ

TNHL Newsletter Volume 555 Issue 666
 
 
Hey guys, I figure this season wouldn't be a TNHL season without at least one geniune TNHL newsletter, so here's your fuckin fix for the week:
 
 
Cocks are stiff competition; not flaccid
 
 
The Garson Gamecocks are the obvious contenders for team of the season, with a solid offensive line complimented by a solid defensive line. The Cocks have a perfect record this season, but other teams seem to be responding to their gameplay, as the Cocks barely edged out the Shithawks last thursday. Fuck the Cocks' Short interview, I dont feel like interviewing their 'cocky' Asses.
 
 
S-Bombs a dud in overtime vs Shock; Sideshow Bob involved?
 
The chemmy S-Bombs may be the best looking team in the league (as voted by fans through internet web poll...maybe cause all the bitches that voted got filled full of S-bomb D's), but that didn't help them last week in their demoralizing loss to the Shock. The Boogeyman was kind enough to be interviewed this week, and when he was asked how his team could improve to be a manly cup contender, he replied, " I think overall we've played a good style game all year. We play a tight system defensively, J.P. "The Janitor" Butler has done his job cleaning up the crease and Radey and Belland have taken up the offense. I think we just have to bear down and learn to close out games. We need to be better in the third period on a consistent basis, and plus we need to get rid of Hamel". When asked about how he feels about his role on the team, the Boogeyman replied, " I knew coming in this year I would be taking on a different role coming out of the crease, but I've enjoyed. I don't mind bringing a physical presence to the team and trying to spark as moments of complacency.  I also enjoy punching Scoop in the face. It's kinda like an orgasm for my hand....without the mess". Rumour is that next victim on the Boogeyman's list is none other than.... Ryan "The Sandy Vagina" Prieur.
 
 
Shithawks flying high; Sally still a contender for Daigle award, or is he?
 
The Shithawks are a team to be reckoned with, and GM Darren "Sally" Edward is one of the main reasons for this. Last year he was, pretty much, the 'dud' of the year...but this year he is certain that the team he is working with now is a serious cup contender. "The Shithawks are cup contenders, we had some low points to this season, low as can be....and can be really fuckin low...but we've been able to bounce back with some huge games and come away with wins in some or just lose by a few goals, but to keep it close, and that spells a contender. Plus we're the ones that keep the hairs on the back of the Cocks' neck fuckin sharp!....are we done here? Cause I gotta shit....pretty good too".
 
 
 
Shock snag first win in OT vs Sbombs; Fans are..............well...........shocked.
 
The Skead Shock finally won their first game of the season in O.T. just when they were thought to be at the low point of their season. GM Jarrod Crawford was ready and eager to trade anyone in the franchise to show that he was serious about this team. This decision sparked the team to perform at their potential and came out on top, for once in the season. Hopefully this will be a sign of things to come. "Our hockey club has always been the underdog for as long as the Shock has existed, and that's the way it will always be. I'm also glad I've survived a tussle with the Boogeyman (although it's not our last), and by doing that, I've become a more physical player. Getting hit or even given a little push sparks me to set up plays and score goals....and it also makes me want to hit other players, of course. Being able to hit is a good asset to my game, as we play the Cocks next, who are ironically pussies in every aspect in the game of hockey, and I'm going to make them realize that they are exactly that. Pussies."
 
 
-------TNHL SIGNINGS------
 
Garson Gamecocks
-None
 
Chemmy S-Bombs
-None
 
Sudbury Shithawks
- Brent Garbutt, 1 Year contract
 
Skead Shock
- From Waivers, D Craig Jacobs, 1 Year contract
- From Waivers, F Giuseppe Politi, 1 year contract
- From Waivers, D Axel, 1 Year Contract
- To Wahnipitae Weasels,(AHL) D Eryk Waszczylo
- To Wahnipitae Weasels (AHL), G Johnny Royer
 
 
------TNHL INTERVIEWS------
Tony's too lazy to respond to the questionnaire, and I don't blame him. Here's the rest of the goalie's responses:
 
Cocks:
Q1: What's it like being on a team that dosent lose games?
A: Well, it's definately a different feeling; playing on a team that struggled most of last season was extremely frustrating at times. Playing for a losing team last year has helped me to not take this years success for granted. This year I've had the luxury of playing for an Original four franchise with a long-standing history of success. The winning mentality is drilled into your head (literally, it's quite painful) right from the first day of training camp.
 
Q2: Are all of your team's players garbage, and do you feel like your the only one keeping them together?
A: I think you've hit the nail on the head with that one. I think it's obvious that I'm the glue holding this team together; without my acrobats in net, this team would be sinkning, and fast. Take last game for example: I can think of at almost 10 occasions where a player on the opposing team attempted a shot on goal that had to be saved. So to answer your question, yes, I am holding the team together.
 
 
Shithawks:
Q1: As for being the top drafted goaltender, are you satisfied with your team?
A: I'm not totally satisfied with my team this year to be honest.  We've made a couple of sloppy defensive plays and the offense isn't as potent as it could be. Other than that, everyone is working hard night in, night out so that gives us a chance to compete constantly. We have a couple game to work out the kinks before the playoffs, so im not worried.
 
Q2: What's it like to face your former team, who is now in last place in the league?
A: Having played against the Shock twice already (and sweeping the season series) , sure it was a little emotional. We had a tight group last year, we're still friends, but it's hard to see them struggle this season and to help contribute to their dismal record. I wish them the best of luck in the playoffs, because they're going to need a miracle.
 
S-Bombs
Q: What's it like changing from a starting forward, into a starting goalie?
A: I got a small taste of being a keeper last year, so I was semi-comfortable. However, I feel that I can do more for the team keeping the ball out of the net, then I would have done offensively.
 
Q: Are The S-Bombs the most handsome team in the league?
A: Well, you can't argue with fact, or the amount of SLUTS we FUCK after every game so...yeah we are!!!
 
 
 
 
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06/07 Draft Day!!!!
 
On Wednesday October 4th 2006, the biggest day in the life of TNHL hockey players has come and without disappointment. The draft was a complete success (including a scuffle halfway through the draft, well done), and everyone had a good time and drove home sober as a bird.
 
Much thanks to the Prieur household for hosting the event, and to our sponsor (definately not proud) Wallbridge Mining (A W.M. hat was worn on the Skead Shock draft picks because the company thought they had the best chance of winning the manly cup this year, with no doubts).
 
A couple reminders to players: There IS an entry fee to the league. It's to pay for your jersey. So unless you already have one from last year, you gotta pay either 5 or 10 bucks for your jersey, since there aren't enough to go around this year. I think this is the only year we gotta pay for jerseys, cause if everyone does, then the same jersey's will be circulated next year, hence no extra costs (fuck yeah economics degree BITCH hahaha).
 
The other reminder is another cost, but only if you want to pay it. I'm making a double-dvd set for the TNHL this year. It's going to have the semi-final game and final game of the tnhl on one dvd, and on the other, it's going to have the draft along with individual player highlights for everyone. The total cost of it is undetermined, cause I gotta find the cheapest way to do this still. But the costs will include the price of the raw dvd's, and a case(if u want one, otherwise you can be a cheap italian and put it on top of your tv and let it sit).

 
 
 
 
1 on 1 with Jarrod and Pidutes!!!!
 
Interviewer: How do you feel about your current team?
 
Jarrod: Actually, my team turned out better than I thought, the other GM's made some interesting, and by interesting I of course mean stupid, decisions which allowed me to pick up all the elements that the Shock needs.
 
Pidutes: I was astonished to see that David C. could assemble such a talented squadron. It increased my interest level big time as I will have an opportunity to be in the same locker room as potential Hall of Famers in my rookie season.
 
I: Do you think your team will produce offensively and defensively?
 
Jarrod: I was terrified because I thought Tags would be picked, but he wasn't, and relief washed over me in an awesome wave. Defensively isn't even a question, I somehow through my own genius managed to pick up both of last year's top 2 defensemen. Offensively, I managed to acquire 2 of the top 4 scorers, both of whom have yet to reach their potential, as well as some fresh new faces that are sure to give the Shock a BIG BOOST in the goal scoring department.
 
P-Dutes: Offense is not a concern at all. We can roll 2 lines out there that can tweak the twine on a nightly basis. Defensively, it may get interesting. Our game will be much like the '85 Oilers - outscore your opponents, defense is secondary. I plan to compete for the Selke as top defensive forward tho, Adam, make no mistake about that
 
I : Team goals for the year?
 
Jarrod: Well I'm not sure if they're so much goals as forgone conclusions, but I'd like to see the Shock sweep the manly cup finals and I'd also like to see Wash take over as the number 1 scorer in the league with a little help from the rest of the Shock....oh and one of my top prospect's has told me that he intends to put Hamel in a body cast by the end of the 2nd game.
 
Dutes: I think in a 4 team league the only goal is to win the title. It's that simple. If you go home at the end of a frosty Thursday after a loss and are laughing and smiling, then to me you aren't much of a competitor. With a lot of guys in their prime currently, our time is now.
 
I: Any final words to the players out there?
 
Jarrod: I do my talking on the ice, everyone knows that. Oh, and also I've been doing crunches, I can do over a thousand now
 
Sauce: Well, having played at a higher level for many yrs i plan to bring my past experience to help the team nightly. this isnt jr .a but it is still competitive and i plan to honour the code of the league. on a side note, i plan to be the first player to score a goal while wearing goalie skates in league history. Thanks for your time.

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